Absurd Advice Column

**Dear Unwitting Seekers,** Today’s topic is the enigmatic concept of “EXAMPLE.” You may think you know what an example is, but are you truly living your best example life? Let’s elevate your example game with these groundbreaking, thoroughly unhelpful tips: --- **Tip 1: Become the Example By Never Giving One** If someone asks for an example, look them dead in the eye and offer nothing but a mysterious smile. True wisdom, as Confucius may or may not have said, lies in enigmatic silence. By refusing to provide examples, you are, in fact, exemplifying the deepest form of examplehood: the absence of example itself. Soon, people will flock to you, whispering, “Wow, they’re too profound for specifics.” Congratulations, you’ve redefined education. --- **Tip 2: Only Use Examples From the Reptile Kingdom** Whenever possible, restrict your examples solely to behaviors or situations involving reptiles. Is someone struggling in a math class? Explain that solving equations is just like a chameleon blending into a meticulously color-coded spreadsheet. Lost keys? “Think of the Komodo dragon, which never loses anything because it doesn’t own anything.” The confusion you sow is proof of your advanced thinking. --- **Tip 3: Begin Every Example With An Obscure Gregorian Chant** Every time someone asks for an example, begin by humming a little-known Gregorian chant for at least fifteen seconds. This will create an air of gravitas and ensure your audience is thoroughly disoriented before you launch into your point, which should then be a convoluted anecdote about folding fitted sheets in zero gravity. They won’t remember your example, but they’ll remember the haunting chant echoing in their soul. In the end, isn’t that the point of any good example? --- Remember: it’s not about being helpful. It’s about being unforgettable. Yours in dubious guidance, The Example Exemplar