Comedic Rant on Everyday Inconveniences

You know what drives me nuts? The word "EXAMPLE." Why do people act like using an example is this magical, mystical ritual? “Let me give you an example.” Ooooh, like you’re Gandalf, bestowing precious wisdom. I’m not in Hogwarts—I just asked how to use the printer, Karen! You don’t need to dim the lights, stand under a spotlight, and say, “Behold! The Example!” Like you’re about to pull a rabbit out of a hat. Give it a rest. If I wanted to see a grand demonstration, I’d go watch Siegfried and Roy wrestle tigers, not listen to you explain Excel formulas. And why are all examples so painfully basic? “If Jimmy has two apples and Sally gives him three more—” Hold up, are we teaching math or running a fruit cartel? I’m an adult. If you want your example to be realistic, say, “You’re at the DMV for three hours and someone gives you their spot in line.” Now THAT’S a miracle! Show me an example where I get an extra day off at work instead of apples. “If you have zero vacation days and your boss gives you… zero more—” That’s not an example, that’s my life. But hey, thanks for spelling it out, Example Enthusiasts. Next time I need one, I’ll just pull it out of thin air—like you do with your Excel magic tricks. Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll give you an example of my own: “If a comic tells one more joke about apples, and the audience throws two at him, how bruised will he be?” See, Karen, that’s how you keep an example fresh—and, apparently, your produce.